Never Spray Alone: “Organic Pesticides” – Part 1


centipedeHere I was listening to “Never Eat Alone” by Keith Ferrazzi, finishing off an unexpectedly delicious bowl of Power Oatmeal from Panera’s – while eating in the library alone yet surrounded by others – of course. What led me to this pc-station in the local library on this early, cloudy and sleepy Tuesday morning (with a somewhat noisy photographic shoot taking place in the background)?

Had I done my research?

The day before, I’d had the yard and the house sprayed with “organic” pesticides. I left the house as soon as I could, after it was sprayed. What I didn’t count on was the way this organic product would leave my stomach upset and my head woozy, overnight and one day later. I could not get out of the house fast enough!

Had I done my research? No, not really, and the result was me, and my somewhat sensitive immune system saying, “What were you thinking? Were those sporadic ant, spider, occasional centipede and fruit flies sightings really such a problem?”

Maybe it was that last centipede I battled with the fly swatter. (BTW, saying I don’t like centipedes is putting it mildly – I hear they bite. This type is actually referred to as a “Kansas House” centipede – ) Our house seemed to have a few ‘pedes that visited from time to time. I was pretty successful at swatting them from any surface and at any angle, in spite of being totally icked out (I shutter) by them and their cajillion legs.

Once, a large one was on the ceiling. As I got ready to aim my shoe upward, it jumped at me, like it was going to ninja-pede swat me! What? I had never seen that before and it seemed like that ninja-pede knew it as it scampered away from my flabbergast.

This time, Grasshopper (that’s me) was better informed. Yes, Master. (I digress.)

 Why was I also feeling my lip and making an “Ouch!” face?

I saw a two inch (or two cajillion) leggy creature waiting on the wall wedged between the fire place and a comfy chair. The only thing between me and the leggy monster was the chair. The chair camouflaged my approach. I lept with the swatter, and … Got it! – Why was I also feeling my lip and making an “Ouch!” face?  

Yes, I “Got it!” alright!

Lunging forward, my lower lip smashed the rim of the back edge of the chair and my lower front teeth cut deep into my lower lip. I felt skin from my lip flap inside my mouth and tasted the blood flowing inside. Hitting the back of the chair busted my outer lip.  Eeeewwh!

Using my phone, I non-selfied (is that a word?) the smashed skin on the edge of my lip and the blood flowing outside. Thrilling! I grabbed for napkins to soak up the blood. Now I’ll look like I have a “cold sore”, wonderful. The good news, I didn’t bite through my lip. Thank you, Lord!

Did I mention there was also a busy bee’s nest located … where the front door opens. 

..Back to the “organic pesticides”… Thing is, the spurious spider webs, the cocky centipedes, the audacious ant trail crawling out of the air conditioner vent and the maddening mosquitos outside in the grass had finally all gotten to me. Plus, a new pesticide service had just moved to town and was canvassing the neighborhood, for the third time.

I don’t normally say “Yes,” to these door to door sales people, but they had no idea that I was recovering from my last ninja-pede match.

Oh yeah, did I mention there was also a busy bee’s nest located in the crack of the  recently settling porch floor crack just next to where the front door opens. Yes, the bees are back unlike previous Kansas summers when they were no where to be seen.

This sales person actually noticed the bees as they entered in and out of the crack between us as we spoke (the bees were another reason why I kept the screen door locked).

Seriously? You have a pesticide service, – Where do I sign? …

To Be Continued.


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